


Under the Starlight

by astrangebird



Series: Growing and Changing [7]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caduceus level insight, Caleb trying not to be angsty, Dancing, Dialogue Heavy, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, I can't overstate how fluffy this is, M/M, POV Alternating, like too much fluff, they're trying so hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 15:00:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18758782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrangebird/pseuds/astrangebird
Summary: “Oh! I uh I don’t dance.”“Yes you do, you’re just scared of looking a fool.”“Well yes.”“You’re already getting weird looks here for being a human, I already know you’re a fool. Dance with me, Caleb.”“Can’t argue with that logic.”





	Under the Starlight

**Author's Note:**

> It's very long and I'm sorry. It didn't feel right to split it into chapters.

One of the perks of being the hero’s of the Bright Queen is that sometimes she just gives you a mansion? That was unexpected but definitely appreciated because now Caleb has a whole room to himself. His room is still fairly sparse, he doesn’t have many possessions, everything he’s ever owned has been able to fit on his person for many years, aside from a few odds and ends that made their way into the haversack. But he has managed to procure a clock, simple in design and about the size of a dinner plate to hang on the wall. The second hands gentle ticking is a strange source of comfort as he stands anxiously in front of a mirror. He inspects himself again, looking for places he’s missed while shaving, making sure he’s actually clean even though his hair has only just dried from a bath. He catches the time in the reflection, 6:29 in the “evening”, though you could hardly tell the difference between morning and night here. Nott should be knocking on his door any minute as he requested. Caleb looks back at himself in the mirror and fiddles with one of the buttons on his shirt, trying to decide how high up is most appropriate to button without looking too tightly wound. He decided on leaving just the top button open when he hears the rapid knocking at his door, promptly at 6:30.

“Come in!” He calls out, and Nott enters with a basket in her hands.

“I-I didn’t know if you wanted any flowers for tonight so I brought some just in…” She trails off after closing the door, catching sight of him finally in his new clothes. Her smile widens and he can see her sharp teeth glint in the light of the driftglobe.

“I know I keep telling you how handsome you are, Caleb, but you’ve really outdone yourself tonight!” 

“You hush.”

He’s never considered himself to be particularly good looking, not ugly, but fairly average if a bit skinny. He knows he can be charming and has flirted his way in and out of trouble before, but he tended to chalk it up to being a well trained conversationalist. But he had to admit, he did clean up well. He had splurged on tailored clothes, his new shirt, clean and a soft grey color, actually fits his wide shoulders and tapers to his rather narrow waist where it was tucked in to his coal black pants. No holes or stains and he didn’t swim in them like his old clothes.

He pulls a chair over to the end of the bed where Nott has climbed up and laid out her many ties and clips and beads next to her basket of flowers. Caleb sits and leans back into Nott’s waiting hands.

“So what kind of a look did you want?” She asks, combing her fingers through his hair, tugging out a few knots.

“I figured I would let you do whatever you thought would look nice, you are much better at this sort of thing after all.”

“I most certainly am but it’s your date, Caleb.” 

Caleb feels his stomach flip hearing it said out loud, nervous like a schoolboy for the first time in nearly two decades.

“Whatever you think Caduceus will like.” 

“Well I could just leave ‘cause he already likes the way your hair looks,” Nott tugs on a handful of his hair, he can hear her smiling. 

“Just something simple then,” He turns out of her grasp for a moment to look through the basket of flowers and pulls out a handful of delicate white blooms and sets them to the side, “Maybe use a few of these?”

“I think I have just the thing for you.” 

They sit in silence while Nott works, her quick and nimble fingers pushing and pulling his hair this way and that until she feels she’s satisfied with her work. She tilts his head from side to side to give him a final look before patting him on the top of his head.

“Alright, go take a look, tell me what you think.” 

Caleb goes back to the vanity and looks at the deceptively simple braids that Nott has weaved into his hair. She’s pulled just the pieces by his temples into a braid around the crown of his head, meeting at the back of his head where a majority of the little white flowers are placed. The glint of a few scattered beads catches his eye and he sees a few small and loose braids at just the ends of his hair with a bead hanging from the ties.

He returns to the bedside and clasps one of her hands in his, “It’s perfect, thank you, Nott.” 

“Anytime,” She places her other hand on his jaw and rubs at the newly smooth skin before pinching his cheek between her tiny fingers.

He wiggles out of her grasp, gently swatting her hand from his face while giving her a chastising smile. He looks to the clock again, already knowing that it’s nearly time for him to leave, and grabs his new coat off the back of the chair. It’s a deep purple, lined with light fur, cut in the same style as his old coat but fit to him perfectly. He debates whether or not he should strap on his component pouch and his books, just to be safe, but he decides against it. In a pinch he can do enough without them to get by. They aren’t planning on getting into any fights after all. He catches himself in the mirror again, feeling more vain each time, and adjusts his coat on his shoulders before turning to Nott.

“So… How do I look?” He holds his arms out and does a quick turn around for her.

She squints and tilts her head, putting a contemplative hand on her chin before gesturing for him to come closer. Once he’s within her reach she grabs his shirt and undoes two more buttons, exposing a bit of auburn chest hair and the chain of his necklace. 

“Perfect!” She beams up at him as he gapes down at her.

“This feels… inappropriate.” Caleb says as he closes his hand around the open top of his shirt.

“Hey, you wanna look good for your hot date don’t you? Show a little skin, sweetie!” 

“We are just going out for dinner, Nott.”

“Well with that attitude, yeah.”

“Nott…”

“I know I’m sorry. Not for nothing but you look more relaxed this way.” 

He considers for a moment, looking for the last time at his reflection. It’s not as bad as he thought.

“Alright then.” 

Nott gathers her things and hops down from his bed. She heads to the door and holds it open for him, “Knock him dead baby!” 

“You know my own mother wasn’t this embarrassing.”

“I do my best!”

With that Caleb heads downstairs, to the foyer where he planned to meet Caduceus with Nott bounding down the stairs behind him. He’s nearly to the bottom when he’s struck by what he sees. Caduceus is waiting in an adjacent hallway chatting with Jester who is fussing over a stray strand of hair falling out of a high pony tail that he has managed to wrangle the rest into. He too has a nice new set of Xhorhasian style clothes, though surprisingly in far lighter shades than he expected to find from a place that seemed to like things dark. He’s wearing a crisp white tunic that was long and loose and hung nearly halfway down his thighs. His deep burgundy pants were certainly not in the same baggy style as his previous pair, but they fit well and were tucked into his old lichen covered boots. He even managed to find a finely made deep jade green coat that fell behind his knees. Caleb finds himself staring at where Caduceus has left every button of his shirt undone, a thick tuft of pink curling around the edges.

_Oh boy._

Nott nudges at the back of his leg to get him the rest of the way down the stairs and whispers up to him, “See, Caduceus is showing a little skin.” She wiggles her eyebrows at him and smiles with all of her teeth.

“If we were not at the bottom of the stairs already I would push you down them.” Caleb deadpans at her, his face red knowing he was caught. 

Caduceus turns at their approach, and his typical goofy smile broadens to something even brighter and Caleb could swear that he was under the midday sun. His anxiety is forgotten under that grin and he feels light as a feather. It’s nice, having someone so happy to see you.

——

There was a happy bubbling of nervous energy sitting in the pit of Caduceus’ stomach as he readied himself for his evening out. He’d never been on a date before, so he didn’t know what to expect, but since it was with Caleb he assumes that everything will go as it should. He had bought new clothes during their expeditions into the city, and thankfully there are many people that are as tall as him out here so finding things that fit wasn’t an issue. Though they sure did like their dark colors. Finding a white shirt took twice as long as all the other things he bought. And apparently elves preferred clothing that hugged the body, which Caduceus found unusual, wouldn’t that be restrictive? Luckily he’s thin as a bean pole and even tight clothing has some wiggle room on him. 

Caleb was kind enough to buy him a clock for his room, he had never been one to keep track of time so he was glad to have a way to know when he wasn’t with him. It was nearly 7 in the evening, meaning it was time to head downstairs. Caduceus gave himself a quick look in the mirror, looks like he remembered to put on all of his new clothes, hmmm that one piece of hair is still too short to go into his pony tail, oh well.

He opens his door and Jester is waiting outside with a bright smile on her freckled face.

“Good evening, Miss Jester. What can I do for you?” 

“Oh nothing! I just wanted to see you off on your daaate!” Jester always finds a few vowels that need company it seems. She’s clasped her hands together and placed them over her chest, swaying back and forth like a bell. Jester truly was a creature of joy, what a lovely bright light to have at your side.

“That would be wonderful, thank you Miss Jester.” 

“Of course, Mister Clay!” 

He offers her his arm like a gentleman should and she places a dainty hand over it as they head to the foyer. He can feel Jester nearly bouncing with every step, she seems almost as excited for this as he is. Perhaps she’s living a little vicariously through him in this instance since Mister Fjord doesn’t seem to take hints very well. 

“Soooo are you going to kiss him?” Jester asks in what he assumes is her version of a whisper.

“Oh, I don’t know. Should I? Is that what people do on dates?” Caduceus had given it some thought of course, but he didn’t know if that was what was expected of him, or if that was the nature of their relationship. He figured he would let Caleb take the lead on the physical side of this since he seems to have a lot of hang ups about such things.

“Well, I don’t actually know, I technically haven’t gone on a date before but that’s what happens in the books!” Her smile hasn’t dimmed a bit and she looks up at him expectantly.

“I guess we will have to see how the night goes, yeah?” 

“You have to tell me eeeeverything when you get back! Everything!”

“I will, I’m sure it will be a nice evening.”

They stop just before the foyer and Jester pulls him to the side, she gives him a good look over, appraising him. He thinks he looks fine but Jester does seem to know more about fashion than him. She adjusts the open collar of his shirt, setting it around his neck and situating the folds in a way she likes. 

“My apologies, I forgot to button those.” He says as he begins reaching for the buttons of his tunic when she lightly slaps his hands away.

“No no no this looks good!” She flips the fabric a bit more and pats his chest, “The open shirt look is _very_ romantic.” She’s lowered her voice and tilts her head down, doing that eyebrow wiggle that everyone likes to do when they’re talking about things like this. 

“Well this is a romantic endeavor so I suppose that would be the most appropriate.” He responds, attempting to wiggle his brows at her the same way.

She giggles in that bright bubbly way of hers, her very presence relaxing him as she fiddles a bit with his hair, catching that loose piece and trying to tuck it in with the rest. He knows it’s in vain but she seems determined to try so he lets her, leaning down a little so she can reach. He hears approaching footsteps, one pair even and regular, the other scattered and skittering, the dissonant sounds of Caleb and Nott coming down the stairs. 

_Oh ok I get the appeal of tight fitting clothes._

Caleb looks like he could fit right in with the fancy politicians at the Lavish Chateau. His hair is getting quite long, just beginning to roll over his shoulders, and obviously Nott had a hand in the style today as it is neatly braided and frames his long face. His new clothes fit him to the inch, hugging the sharp angles of his thin frame in a very attractive way. His new tunic is cut very similar to his, showing off just how pale he was under that turtle neck. Caduceus feels his face break into a smile, growing wider when Caleb seems to relax under his gaze, blooming bright like a sunflower. 

It’s funny, he remembers a time when his eyes were met with anxiety. Caleb was once so afraid to be alone with him, afraid that Caduceus would know some terrible secret about him and find him repulsive. But much to the groups surprise he can’t read minds and doesn’t want to. Especially if it would mean not getting to see Caleb light up like so many stars when looking at him. 

“Well hello there! Don’t you look dashing.” 

“I was about to say the same of you, Liebling.” The two of them meet in the middle of the foyer and Caduceus can’t help but notice how much Caleb is staring at him, “Wow, du bist hübsch.”

“I don’t know what that means, but it sounded nice so I’ll just say thank you.” Caduceus smiles warmly at him, feeling pleased with Caleb’s attention.

“It was a compliment. Shall we go?” Caleb holds his hand out and Caduceus accepts, like it was always his to hold. 

“You boys have fun!” Jester shouts out the door at them. 

“Behave yourself Caleb! Remember to be a gentleman!” Nott shouts from behind Jesters skirts.

“Don’t worry Miss Nott, I’m keeping my eye on him.” Caduceus waves behind them as Caleb picks up the pace, he feels like he’s missing a joke again, but he doesn’t care too much. If it was important Caleb would explain it.

Once outside Caduceus feels Caleb relax into his side, slipping his hand out of his and wrapping his arm around his waist so that Caduceus can drape his arm around his shoulders. They fit together surprisingly well considering he’s a full foot taller than Caleb. They walk in a companionable silence for a while, passing through the firmaments and into a section of the city that Caduceus is unfamiliar with. Caleb is walking confidently, so he must have a specific destination in mind.

“Where are we going?” He asks, his excitement growing with every step.

“I found a rather nice establishment the other day that piqued my interest. They told me there are different bands of musicians that play every night when they serve dinner. And yes, before you ask, they do have vegetarian meals.” Caleb smiles up to him, looking rather pleased with himself.

“Oh that sounds lovely! I’m very excited.” Caduceus squeezes his shoulder and can see that Caleb’s attention has been caught just to the side of his face. Ah his ears, wiggling back and forth without him meaning to.

“That’s normal by the way, just happens when firbolgs are happy. I don’t even notice I’m doing it most of the time.”

A sort of wistful expression comes over Caleb’s face and he sighs, “Wie kannst du so süß sein?”

“Is that Zemnian? You seem to say things in it that you don’t want to me to understand. They usually sound like nice things so I don’t know why you don’t just tell me in Common.” 

Caleb flushes, embarrassed that Caduceus put some more pieces together. In his defense Caleb hasn’t been very subtle about when he choses to use his mother tongue. He ducks his head, leaning a little more into Caduceus’ side.

“Oh, uhm, I am ah not very good with expressing myself.”

“Are you practicing? Saying it out loud just not in Common?” 

“I guess so. Sometimes it just slips out though.”

“Think you could tell me what you’ve been saying?” Caduceus tries to sound as welcoming as possible, knowing that Caleb could clam up if he pushes too hard.

He chuckles a bit, then finally looks back up at him, “Maybe after a drink, ja?”

“Well if you think it’ll help.” Caduceus isn’t one to encourage drinking, but Caleb isn’t known to drink himself into a stupor so he supposes he can let it slide. 

——

They reach the restaurant, modestly sized but well maintained, an unknown name written in Undercommon but Caleb recognizes the design. There’s a jaunty tune filtering out through the open windows. The hostess recognizes him from the day before, a beautiful drow with long white braids falling over both of her shoulders. She looks over Caduceus, close to two feet taller than her and raises a delicately arched brow at Caleb.

“Good evening, miss. I believe I have a reservation for two.” 

“Hmm I didn’t expect you to bring such an… interesting guest. But yes, right this way.” 

Caleb notes that Caduceus doesn’t have to duck under the door and feels even better about his choice of venue. The interior is warmly lit, twinkling candle light hanging from the walls in sconces and from the ceiling in a modest but beautiful chandelier. The candles flicker a little too regularly to be natural, but it’s nice that even without dark vision he can see the whole room clearly. They are lead to a table near a corner, an extra silver having been slid into the hand of the hostess when making his reservation to ensure a bit of privacy, and they slip their new coats off onto the backs of their chairs.

He declines a menu for both of them since neither of them would be able to read it, and requests two of whatever the hostess could recommend, as long as it doesn’t have meat as well as a glass of whatever liquor they carry and their finest tea. After the hostess looks him over a bit warily with his strange requests she leaves them. He turns and finds that Caduceus has been staring at him, a dopey smile on his face with his chin resting in his hand. He feels his face warm a bit being looked at like that.

“What?” He rubs his jaw a bit nervously.

“Just watching you. Seems like you really planned this all out.”

“Ja I did. Wanted you to have a good night.” He looks down at the table, rolling the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows just for something to do with his hands.

Caduceus chuckles in that way that rattles his bones and reaches out over the table to take one of Caleb’s hands in his, “We could have done anything and I would have a good night. You worry too much.”

A server swings by with their drinks and Caleb happily downs a large gulp, not even tasting it, just hoping for it to settle his nerves. Caduceus takes a deep breath of the steam from his cup before giving it a tentative sip, he seems pleased enough with it to take a bigger drink. 

“Well, I worry because I care.” He knows he’s red in the face and that he’s probably gripping Caduceus’ hand too tightly but he’s trying to use his words more often so that’s just how it is. 

Caduceus smiles at him fondly, affection plain on his face, “Thank you dear one, I care for you too.”

Caleb tenses up at the endearment and at how easily Caduceus gives his affection. He knows that he doesn’t need to feel the way he does but old habits die hard.

“And thank you for saying it, I know you’re having a hard time being so open.” 

Caleb relaxes a bit, relieved that he was heard, “How do you just say things like that, Caduceus? It seems like it takes you no effort at all to say such kind things.”

“Well I had to say a lot of nice things during my time at the Grove. Got plenty of practice. But you make it so easy for me. I want to say nice things to you.” 

“I feel quite the opposite, the more nice things I want to say the harder it is to say them.” Caleb takes another long drink, finally registering that what he has is actually a very nice and floral brandy. A very appropriate drink for the company.

“You’ll get better at it, just takes time.” 

Caleb holds his breath a moment, contemplating whether or not he can say what he wants. He takes another drink and pushes the glass away to hold Caduceus’ hand in both of his, looking up into those soft pink eyes.

“The other day I was baby talking to Jannik, I told him he was a good boy and that I loved him. After our last mission, when I left your room, I said ‘sleep well’. Before we left tonight I said that you were handsome. And then when you said you were excited about where we were going I asked ‘how can you be so cute?’” Caleb finally takes a deep breath and lets it out in a rush, fingers clamped tight around Caduceus’. 

Caduceus seems to only be able to blink in surprise, still holding his teacup in midair.

“Wow that was a lot.”

“Ja I figured it would be best to just say it all at once.”

“Do you feel better?”

Caleb thinks, he wasn’t sure if he was going to feel better or worse before he started, but the bubble of anxiety in his chest seems to have shrunk down to something a bit more manageable for the time being.

“I believe so.”

“Good!” He takes another sip of his tea, bowing behind his cup a bit, “You’re very handsome too.”

“You shut your mouth.” Caleb laughs into his glass finishing off his drink.

Their dinner is served, a wonderful vegetable medley with piping hot breads and various cups of flavorful dips, a bit heavy on the tubers but what can you do when it’s always night time in a large portion of your country. Thankfully Caduceus leads in conversation this time, mostly about banal things like the food or the music or little things he noticed about the places they’ve been. They are finishing their last few bites when the band picks up a rather catchy song and people begin to fill the empty space in front of the band to dance. 

Caduceus abruptly grabs his hand and pulls him from his seat, “Come dance with me!”

“Oh! I uh I don’t dance.” Caleb responds, resisting him a bit.

“Yes you do, you’re just scared of looking a fool.”

“Well yes.”

“You’re already getting weird looks here for being a human,” A cursory glance confirms a few heads turn from him when he looks in their direction. He looks back to Caduceus and his eyes are twinkling like stars in the candlelight, “I already know you’re a fool. Dance with me, Caleb.” 

“Can’t argue with that logic.” 

Caduceus pulls him in close, holding one hand out and the other on his shoulder, spinning and swinging them gracelessly to the beat of the music. Caleb holds tight to his waist, allowing himself to be lead in a nonsensical pattern and laugh when they stumble into each other and trip over their feet. For a moment Caleb forgets that they’re surrounded by drow and orcs and other beastly peoples, forgets that they aren’t alone, that there’s a world out there other than the one that exists in this moment of disinhibition. Then the music changes, turning a bit slower but still one to dance to. A number of the couples leave the dance floor, many of them stay, drawing in closer and looking at each other meaningfully. Caduceus is looking at him that way. Caleb swallows a lump in his throat and takes his hand out of Caduceus’ to put both hands on his waist, pulling him in just a bit closer. He can feel how thin he is, feel the jut of his hip bone and the taut muscles under his skin. Caduceus’ lazy smile softens further and he pulls both his arms around Caleb’s shoulders, holding his hands together behind his head. 

“And you said you don’t dance.” Caduceus leans in to speak quietly in his ear.

“I never have a good dance partner.” Caleb tilts his head to Caduceus’ ear, watching it twitch away from his breath, feeling the scruff of his beard on his jaw. 

Caduceus pulls back to gently bump his forehead against Caleb’s, and he feels pleasantly surrounded. He can see Caduceus’ eyes flick back and forth from his to his mouth and he feels something warm swell within him, a strange confidence that he hasn’t felt in years. 

“Are you going to kiss me, Mister Clay?” A coy smile pulling at his lips, feeling bold.

“I was thinking about it.” Caduceus says simply. His own smile looking rather bashful.

Caleb pushes in a little closer, hands crawling up Caduceus’ back, feeling his ribs through the soft cotton of his shirt and lips brushing gently over the cleft of Caduceus’ mouth, standing on his toes to crowd into his space, “Then why don’t you?” 

“Maybe I will.” 

And he does. Caduceus pulls Caleb in the rest of the way with a gentle hand to the back of his neck. Kissing Caduceus is not like kissing anyone else. The shape of his mouth is quite unlike his own. And having to lean so far back to kiss him properly is a bit strange. But boy was it nice. His lips are soft and pliant, if not a bit hesitant. Like everything else about Caduceus, it was slow, unhurried, and gods he could stay here forever wrapped in his embrace protected from the rest of the world. Caleb claws at Caduceus’ shirt and can feel the heavy thump of his pulse under his fingers as Caduceus’ long arms pull him impossibly closer. They stay there a while, lips lazily moving against each other, figuring out how they fit together. But unfortunately they need to breath, so Caleb drops his heels back to the ground, separating only as much as they must. Caduceus’ lips chase his, giving him one more quick peck before bringing their foreheads together again.

“Wowie, wow, ok wow.” Caleb mumbles against Caduceus’ lips as he pulls away.

“Yeah, wow, that was… that was nice.” 

Caleb can’t help but laugh at hearing Caduceus’ response, like drinking a good tea, or seeing a sunset.

The slow music is still playing and Caleb sways them from foot to foot. He pulls Caduceus back in, wrapping his arms all the way around him and pressing his face into the fuzz of his chest. He’s amazed by how thin Caduceus still is despite how much he’s eaten with them, Caleb can grab his own elbows around his middle. It’s nice, feeling the scruff of Caduceus’ chin on the top of his head. If he believed in destiny he would think that this is where he was meant to be. But destiny is a load of shit, and it is just a very nice coincidence that he fits perfecting in his arms, feels safe while they’re alone, would do whatever it took to make this soft and gentle man smile at him. 

The music changes and they stay to dance, Caleb attempts to clumsily guide Caduceus through a proper waltz. Caduceus’ long legs get in his own way but they don’t care. Another song has the whole room spinning each other in dizzying circles, handing over partners again and again and traveling across the room only to end up back where they started. Another has Caduceus trying to teach Caleb a dance known only to his family, knocking their heads together trying to watch their feet. Caleb steals a kiss whenever Caduceus is bent low enough, feeling punch drunk and giddy seeing Caduceus’ ears perk up every time and hearing him laugh. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt lighter, he didn’t even have enough drink to blame it on. 

——

The crowd begins to thin, and Caleb tells him that it’s getting late. There’s a pleasant ache in his legs as he guides them back to their table to collect their coats and wave down a staff member to pay for their meal. Caduceus reaches for his pockets to help cover his share but Caleb swats his hand away before producing the full sum plus a tip, giving Caduceus a wink. As always, using his actions instead of his words. 

They are greeted by the crisp air of nighttime, the only indicator that it is indeed night despite the blanket of starlight. He’s feeling a strange mix of buzzing wakefulness and absolute exhaustion, like maybe as long as he keeps walking he won’t fall asleep, or he could dance until dawn if the sun ever came up. The wave of joy that had been rising and cresting and rising again throughout the night fills him once more and he scoops Caleb into his arms again, twirling him like a pinwheel in the wind not caring if passersby look at them sideways. He hums a melody he remembers from the band, his feet not matching the beat but feeling too full of that happy buzzing to try. 

“Caduceus! You are moving much too fast for a waltz, Liebling!” Caleb manages to call out between fits of laughter, his feet stumbling under him as Caduceus drags them down the sidewalk in erratic circles.

“I don’t care, I just want to keep dancing with you!” Hearing Caleb laugh like the sound of bells is addicting, knowing he can make him do it makes it too easy to want to hear it more. He stoops lower and loops his arms under Caleb’s, lifting him off his feet and earning a yelp of surprise as his arms scramble for purchase on his shoulders. Caduceus continues humming his tune, spinning and winding his way down the sidewalk and he can feel Caleb laughing against his chest, hear it high and clear in his ears. What a wonderful sound.

He sets Caleb down when he can see their new abode at the end of the block. Caleb is flushed and grinning from ear to ear, looking up at him with more open affection than he thinks he’s ever seen from him. He pats at the back of his head and carefully pulls a small white flower from his hair, looking at it with an odd reverence for a moment before gesturing for him to lean down, tucking it into the edge of Caduceus mohawk. Such a simple gesture, but it feels surprisingly personal. Caleb runs his fingers down the side of his face and Caduceus shivers lightly under the touch. Caleb’s hands are warm against the brisk night air, like he’s always filled with the fire that he calls upon. Caduceus leans into his touch and hunches down a little more to be a bit closer to eye level with him. 

There’s a strange look in Caleb’s eyes. He’s clearly happy, but it looks like he’s starting to overthink things again. Caduceus can see the calculations, how his eyes dart across his face like he’s looking for something, looking for a reason to stop.

“Hey,” Caduceus says quietly, catching Caleb’s attention, “Don’t go running away on me now.”

Caleb lets out a little huff of a laugh. 

“I don’t think I could if I wanted to.” There’s something so fragile in his voice, like he had just pulled his own heart from his chest and held it out to him dripping and beating hoping against hope that Caduceus will accept it. He looks like he’s wilting, or rather that he’s plucking his own petals. Caduceus feels a pang of sadness knowing that Caleb still considers himself to be a burden, unworthy, unwanted.

“Little flower, I hope I never make you want to try.” 

Caduceus watches Caleb’s features pinch together and an unknowable emotion crosses his face. It’s somewhere between heart wrenching pain and reckless optimism. Caleb cups his face between his rough hands and pulls him into another kiss. It felt like the roaring flame of a hearth, calling him home with the promise of warmth against the rain. He’s bent too far forward to try and pull Caleb to him, so he rests his hands on his chest, feeling his heart beat humming bird fast against his ribs.

Caleb pulls back, and Caduceus feels pleasantly dazed. He can see why people get so excited about this kissing business. 

“Mein Liebling you are much too good to me.” Caleb runs his hands over the shaved sides of his head, a bit of that conflicted look still lingering on his face, if a bit muted.

“I don’t think so, I think I’m just the right amount of good.” Caduceus knows there isn’t any winning with this particular battle but he says it anyway. “By the way, what does that mean? _Lee bling_? You’ve called me that a couple of times and I don’t think you’ve mentioned what it means yet?

He looks caught off guard, like he hadn’t even realized he said it, maybe he hadn’t. His face colors a lovely pink and he brings his hands together to fidget with his fingers.

“Oh ah well it kind of means a few things, all of them nice of course,” He clears his throat, “Sometimes it means dear, or uhm darling, and I guess when I said it like that it meant ah ‘my beloved’?”

A slow smile pulls across Caduceus’ face as he sees the weight that one word holds for Caleb, and that he felt the need to use it with him. Something flutters against his ribs knowing that Caleb was making progress with his words right under his nose.

“You mean to tell me you’ve been calling me a pet name this whole time and you didn’t even tell me?” 

“I suppose so?”

Caduceus would love to say something profound, maybe give Caleb praise for trying more, but that doesn’t feel right, it all gets jumbled on his tongue before he can figure out what he wants to say about it. So he takes a page from Caleb’s book, actions over words, gently clasping Caleb’s fumbling fingers in his hands and leans forward to press his lips to his forehead.

“That’s real sweet of you.”

When Caduceus pulls back he sees Caleb looking a bit awestruck. It continues to amuse him that he can confound a man who seems to know so much. He see’s a wide range of emotions flit across his face, confusion, that odd pained expression, something calculating, something softer like a cousin of quiet resignation.

“We should get going, it is pretty late, Nott will be worried.” 

“Do you think she will be cross with me for bringing you back so late?” He nudges at Caleb with his elbow.

“Only if you tell her I was anything less than a gentleman.” Caleb, a man of very few social graces, has schooled his features into that of a prim and proper boy, adjusting the lapels of his coat before offering Caduceus his arm.

“Caleb Widogast? Less than a gentleman? Impossible!” He loops his arm around Caleb’s and gives it a squeeze.

“Let us go then, Mister Clay!” Caleb places his hand over Caduceus’ and straightens his back, starting a proper march towards the house.

——

The door opens before he even touches the knob and the shimmering gold of Nott’s eyes poke out from behind the door, as do a fainter flicker of purple from Jester standing over her.

“Evening ladies.” Caduceus calls from behind him.

“Are you guarding the door or were you stalking me, Nott?” Caleb asks as he carefully walks around her, the warmth of the interior a pleasant change from the chill outside.

“Well I wasn’t guarding the door.” She says in a leering voice.

“Soooo how was your daaaaate? What did you doooo? Where did you goooo? Was it very romaaaaantic?” Jester’s questions sound like they’re just one long sentence until she gasps, eyes focusing on Caduceus as she flaps her hands in front of her chest, “Oh Caduceus! You said you’d tell me everything! Did you do it? Did you do it?”

“I… don’t remember what you wanted me to do…” Caduceus’ smile dims, confused trying to recall some previous conversation he had with Jester.

“No funny business, right Caleb? You behaved yourself?” Nott’s voice crowds up from his hip. She’s giving him a very stern look, as if she expected him to be a total scoundrel outside of her watch.

“Of course! I was the perfect gentleman, right Caduceus?” 

“Huh? Oh yeah, picture of class, Miss Nott. Wouldn’t even let me pay for my meal.” Caduceus perks up at a question he knows how to answer.

“And if you will excuse me, I was going to walk Caduceus to his room and wish him a good night.” Caleb looks pointedly down at Nott. He hopes that she can see the secret message he’s attempting to shout through his eyes, _please just give me a minute and then we can talk._ They hold their gaze for a moment longer and Nott relents, grabbing the edge of Jesters skirt to call her attention.

“Of course. Jester, why don’t we give the boys a moment, we can ask them questions later.” 

“Hrmph!” Jester crosses her arms but allows herself to be lead towards the kitchen. Nott glares pointedly over her shoulder, eyes burrowing into him with the expectation of details.

“Shall we?” Caleb looks to Caduceus, he’s looking thoughtful.

“Yeah, I can’t remember what she wanted me to do, I’ve been rather… distracted tonight.” Caduceus smiles down at him, looking a bit sheepish.

“Oh do not worry Liebling, Jester will remind you. I am also expecting quite the onslaught of questions tonight.”

Caleb catches the back and forth swing of Caduceus’ ears out of the corner of his eye and he hopes it was because of him. They reach Caduceus’ room, the faint smell of incense and tea emanating from the door. 

“Thank you for a wonderful evening Mister Caleb.” Those piercing eyes of his finally don’t feel like a threat. He isn’t sure if something about Caduceus has changed or if it’s something about him. They see him, most of him, some of the rawest parts of him, but he isn’t afraid.

“Thank you for having me Mister Clay.” He wonders if he will keep him.

Caduceus’ soft features tighten a moment and looks down the hall they just came from, eyeing the corner where the hallway turns, ears high and alert. 

“Hey, I hear you over there.” Caduceus’ voice booms down the hall, resonant like a drum, and lights from the candles hanging in their ornate sconces flicker erratically. Caleb’s fingers tingle with the feeling of magic in Caduceus’ hands. There’s a faint fumbling sound of footfalls tripping and stumbling over each other and the soft sound of tinkling laughter getting quieter and a shushing noise that was a far too loud as a response. 

“Anyway,” Caduceus’ voice returns to him at normal volume before dropping to a whisper, “I was thinking about kissing you goodnight.”

Suddenly his face is enveloped in those large hands, held so delicately as if he were a fine piece of porcelain. There’s a tenderness in the embrace and in Caduceus’ eyes that makes something in his chest clench and his fingers dance at his side as if he doesn’t know what to do anymore. But it seems to come back as second nature when Caduceus’ soft and wide lips press gently into his. Caleb’s clumsy fingers reach for the fabric of Caduceus’ shirt and pull him in as close to chest to chest as they can manage, their bodies having to bow in unpracticed ways to meet in the middle. There’s no rushing here, no urgency, but a soft flicker of heat licks its way up Caleb’s spine all the same. He isn’t sure how long they stay there, but when they part Caleb feels dizzy in a way that’s hard to describe.

“Goodnight, my flower.” Caduceus whispers, just a rumble deep in his chest that vibrates in Caleb’s bones.

“Schlaf gut, mein Liebling.” It rolls off his tongue like he was always meant to say it, but scratches his throat on the way out.

Caduceus straightens and reaches for his door, fingers lingering on him for just a moment before crossing the threshold. With the final soft click of the door Caleb feels an odd sense of relief coupled with disappointment, the perfect moment over, and prodding questions just moments away. He listens in for any sounds to indicate that Nott and Jester are still snooping around, taking a few tentative steps to the turn of the hall and peering around the corner. He can’t see them but he hears the clang of a pan hitting the floor, ah they went back to the kitchen. 

“Let’s buy some time.” He whispers to himself, the tingle of magic dancing between his fingers before he darts down the hallway with unnatural speed, cutting through the air like a knife, the last of his adrenaline rushing through him as he bursts through his bedroom door leaving a trail of small white flowers behind him. A moment of true exhaustion hits him as he quietly closes the door behind him and then collapses against it sliding to the floor with a thunk. There’s a moment when he thinks he might start spiraling, that the thundering in his chest is the onset of panic, but it bleeds into something else something new and bubbling and warm instead of cold sharp dread. There’s fear there, but it didn’t feel like the great yawning void that he knows so well. Fear of something new? Maybe it’s not fear. Maybe his poor neglected heart just can’t tell the difference between fear and excitement anymore. Maybe for him they’re one and the same. With any luck he’ll be able to tell the difference someday, keeping the mountains at his back and his hands outstretched, knowing he will be met halfway.


End file.
